Karina Pandya

Its been such a unique year-2008. Starting the year off by representing The Banyan, where I worked along with my team members running the Mumbai marathon to creating a newsletter for my organization, called Nambikkai, which got recognition by appearing in the local Chennai newspaper this year has been full of wonderful episodes in my life. I never imagined that something I wrote, would get such recognition! In my own special way i was able to create an impact at the Banyan. This was the year I had first applied for my masters in communication and journalism. I wrote a beautiful essay, got through and the only part to get through was by flying back to Mumbai to appear for the entrance, but I was convinced to stay back...being told I was doing well at my job and i could always apply next year. So, I thought about it, and decided I would do my masters next year. I stayed back and ultimately in the end decided to resign on August 3rd.. I needed a change..a break from my job. explore w...

it was a bright sunny day.... 26th November,2008. The day life changed for Mumbai, a city in the ocean of the country India... It was a normal day at work, and I couln't expect anything to go wrong. I had a doctor's appointment in Andheri, so I rushed from work to go for that in the evening-6PM. I felt-light hearted after meeting my neurologist.. Who knew that within the next few hours life could change so much.. I took a 7.30 train from Andheri and reached Churchgate by 8.30PM. There was something very very very wrong as I exited the station...I remember clearly, that just catching a taxi to go home in Colaba was troublesome, because every taxi driver refused.. It was not untill one taxi driver told me there was gun shooting going on there did I realise the enormity of silence that gripped the city. I travelled in the taxi, quietly- looking down all the lanes I passed, as the taxi driver pulled up on my lane-Strand Cinema Road- one of the lanes right in the center of ev...

We make friends in life...and, we lose some....these people who have come in my life have filled it with so much of happiness. I wish I could re-pay them back for how they've helped me, changed me as an individual. Today I am, all that I am i know because of whatever has happened in my life- the fights, the good times, the bad...the experiences and memories... "Stop being a kid...you're a grown up!".. all that i can say to myself, when i feel so rejected, and low in life. Life waits for no one... you just have to make yourself stronger through each fall.. you can't make someone understand you, you can't force them to believe you... you just have to believe in yourself.. I wait and I wait, hoping one day that I'll get a chance to get it all right in life, but somehow i can't. i can't let go of emotions and sometimes i just bury myself in them... wishing they never happened. I am strong, and its just a phase...it'l pass, it' all get better in...

i believe in honesty and always have... even if i do something really wrong i can never get myself to lie about it. im transparent in my emotions, gestures, writings and sometimes i get angry at myself for that. Why the hell do i have to be like that?? why can't i just stay quiet and not bother about anything... but i guess we all are made differently. i never get bothered by being straightfoward with people, letting them know how i feel.. but sometimes i just hurt myself by being so honest...i wish i wasnt always... wish i could keep some emotions in... things always dont work out to be picture perfect and we are forced or compelled to live with that.. the thing is that we can never ever be too sure that things will work in our favour, never be too confident... and i say this and then wonder how those happy-go-lucky people seem to be so over confident of themselves.. that even in the face of distress they never get so affected...

Another day at work ends, and i come back home;switch on the music and think about all thats happened to me. Listening to michael buble always eases my mind.. that slow jazz in the background... i can never shed off memories. they keep haunting back again and again. theres so much to think about, so much to do, but i always am mentally reluctant to change. i tell myself over and over again its not worth the pain to think of things now, thats what its always like.... i always have to remind myself nothing in life is for real... your always mentally on your own... i write what i feel thinking it will help me and sometimes it does, but most other times it doesnt. they say writing is the best gift, but its like dwelling in the past, analzing and re-considering things...i switch on the tv and am so skeptic of things, yet i can pen all the solutions down. i know whats right but find it so hard to tell myself that.. its yet another sunny morning and i know theres always something to look fowa...

I come back home and think I’m safe….but minutes later I feel trapped. There is no escape from reality... no place to safely place your head down to sleep. It’s a cruel world out there…bombs, terrorism, violence taking place in different forms targeting people from all walks of life. The mind has become our worst enemy. With terror blasts taking place in major cities in our country where and how can we feel safe? Revenge, jealousy, status, distinction are all possible reasons why terrorists perform these terror acts, but who's to say.. I take a step anywhere nowadays..a walk down the lane, a hop on the local train, a visit to the local bazaar..anywhere.. but there's always this new fear within me..I can't fight that.. death is inevitable and we all have to face it one day but now its not only just by murder, or natural causes but its by terrorism- the new enemy of our society.

Life is just like quicksand..... Whatever you have, whoever you meet...it's so temporary... so unreal.... things have to dissolve, and your left to move on. Whoever said something can last forever. the only real, true aspect of life is change. it's permanent.. No one can prevent change. Life has been like a gettaway.. a gettaway from whom i don't know yet.. maybe myself. maybe to change and adjust to new situations ... to new people and to new lifestyles... i often wonder what its like if i just stood silent for one day. no one would notice.. no one can "actually" care... we all have to do something with this life, we have with us... we can't stop the clock...we can't rewind... there will be an end... like waves crash and pull back the sand.. the same way change pulls us back and forth and we have to move with it. we are not constant..... its only our attitude, our hope- the belief that we hold onto to make the best of ourselves while we're here...