Letting Go of Heartaches at 40
It’s two weeks before I turn forty, and I woke before the sun’s rays lit the surrounding world. Something in me was restless, not in the usual way. My soul was awakening, and I could feel it. I made my tea and sat on my bed, swallowing all the emotions that had been moving through my heart and soul from the night before into this new morning. Forty. In fourteen days, I would turn forty. The number felt heavy when I heard it, like a suitcase packed for someone else. Inside were old birthdays, long-lost loves and friends, and the jobs I had performed over the past twenty years. Where was I now, and what was the future holding? So many doors had closed softly while others had slammed shut. I had imagined turning forty very differently. I thought it was the age when you were finished, when old age began to settle in. But now I felt the opposite. It felt like a beginning, a reawakening, when I finally started to understand things about myself and about life. I was free from robotic conditio...