Snaping out of Victim Mentality

If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”

Eckhart Tolle (Author, The Power Of Now)

How many of us have blamed our situations or family members for what is happening in our lives? Or, even come across people in our own lives who feel that everything that has happened to them is because of an unfair event? Many people are not even aware that they are in such situations and they are limiting themselves – by blaming themselves or someone else. 

Just as easy as it is to criticise those mired in a victim mindset, it’s easier than you think to sink into one yourself! In life, everyone is the victim of something, but not everyone CHOOSES to behave with a victim mentality!

Those who do choose to be a victim, end up living angrier, more selfish, don’t have resilience and more entitled lives than those who refuse to be a victim. These people tend to vent more and have more energy which they believe is empowerment. These people who just refuse to take responsibility for the outcome of anything in their life often face a lot of setbacks, thrive on drama and can never move on (mentally!)

This victim mentality basically means to blame any person or situation for the unhappiness that ‘they’ are feeling. Every situation is an example of a potential wet blanket (Someone who ruins other people's fun.) where there is a constant expectation of sympathy, attention and constant validation.  In addition to this they are continuously in a self-pitying mode, trying to garner compassion. Having a negative outlook is one of the characteristics and they refuse to improve or even analyse their actions; leading to passive-aggressive tendencies with dealing with other people.                    

Being emotionally, physically or even psychologically traumatised on can leave behind different amounts of scars on a person’s life. It is so common to point fingers and blame others that are constantly fuelled with emotions of anger, fear and pessimism. Early life conditioning and coping mechanisms are some of the main reasons for developing victim mentality early on in childhood.  Its so easy to slip into this disguise of victim mindset, where all we really do is filter our existence to a narrow mental lens. This is how we adopt our primary way of perceiving the world.

In turn a with a  string full of excuses it will only feed the cancerous victim mentality – a mindset which justifies just about anything that seeks endless amounts of self-pity, undue entitlement and the defeatist thinking where the world just owes you an explanation for everything; snapping out of the victim role and into the survivor role is something that we all have to do at some point of time in our lives.

It is not the easiest thing to do, but as an adult it is our responsibility to reclaim the responsibility for our own happiness.

BREAKING OUT OF THE VICTIM MENTALITY

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Gautama Buddha

1)     Practice Gratitude –Have you ever wondered how fortunate you were or ever asked yourself the question ‘Can someone really have it worse off than me?’ At such stages you may get some insight that you are not the only one having a rough deal in life and that there are many other people who are also suffering.

You have so much to be grateful and by practicing ‘gratitude’ you can redeem the victim mentality. As Rumi once said Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.-You have to “let GO!” of the victim thinking that you spent hours and months and perhaps years ‘thinking and talking’ of how each and everything wrong has happened in your life. You also have to let go of any chances of revenge or triumph over people who have wronged you in the past. EMPTY YOUR MIND

2) Take Responsibility! This involves a serious amount of hard work. Whether it is ambitions, relationships, achievements, decisions – everything that encompasses your life.

3) Build Confidence- Sometimes when we feel like we are the victims of situations and we are rock bottom in confidence or esteem, building our confidence is very important. Some people may naturally be confident but that doesn't stop you from learning the skills needed to be a confident person. All you have to do is emulate a confident person – dress well, speak clearly, hold an upright posture, always maintain eye contact and exercise. Automatically this will reflect on your inner mental state.

4) Shift Mentality: In order to break out of the victim mentality it is extremely important to do a lot of self introspection and key shifts in thinking. Some of the major shifts in thinking would include:

                        Victim                                                                A Survivor

ASKS

•  How long does it take to feel?                            Decides to feel good even if things are not so greats
• Grinds to a halt.                                               Keeps putting one foot in front of the other 
• Wallows in self-pity.                                               Comforts others
• Jealous of someone else's success                      Is inspired because of it
• Focuses on the pain of loss                                  Cherishes remembered joy
• Seeks retribution                                                    Seeks redemption
• Argues with Life                                                      Embraces it

Which mentality do you have? Can you make these minor shift in thinking?

5) Practice Forgiveness – Holding onto a grudge towards a past resentment (condition or person) only leads to a build up of feelings of bitterness and a strong emotional towards that feeling. Forgiving means letting go of that feeling and moving past what you believe could possibly harm you. Once you are able to forgive you not only only release the other person, but you set yourself free too from all of the agony.

It could be a wrong-doing by a friend, a family member or even by external events that have been caused to your event -due to which YOU have had to face the repercussions. However, as grim as it may sound, life DOES GO ON and waits for no one - so either you can catch up or get left behind. Bad things happen to everything but by embracing forgiveness you realise that you are NOT THE ONLY one and there is FAR worse happening in the world. You really have allot to be grateful to be for. and it takes allot off your chest    

6) Intention-building –  Being a victim means having no clear intentions. Now, you need to tell yourself that you are going to be in charge of your life and use every bit of energy on different areas mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially and relationally. It will be one small step at a time – to move forward –to make your life better.

7) Use Mindfulness - Mindfulness is a process of bringing one's attention to experiences occurring in the present moment, which can be developed through the practice of meditation. It can help us to increase our ability to regulate emotions, decrease stress, anxiety and depression.

 It can also help us to focus our attention, as well as to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgement.It is good to address deep rooted problems like stress, depression, anxiety, help reduce symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), fight obesity (mindful eating) and much more!

8) Talk to yourself when NEGATIVE emotions arise and imprison your mind. Say STOP either ALOUD or in your mind & come back to the present!

9) Keep a happy playlist of songs to listen to ready at all times: Music can lift up your moods and that is a scientifically proven fact. Catchy beats, uplifting lyrics, funny or even motivational songs would also do.

• American Authors - Best Day of My Life
• Oasis -Wonderwall
• Talking Heads- Psycho Killer
• Wild cub - Thunderclatter
• Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
• Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song
• Joni Mitchelle - Big Yellow Taxi
• Call Me Maybe - Caryl Rae Jepson 
• Jason Mraz - Im yours
• The Monkees - Im a believer
• Pharell Williams - Happy    

(and so many more)

10) Write your thoughts out in a Journal - Although many people may disagree with the benefits of 'writing a journal' the benefits of writing one are immense. For one, it is extremely beneficial for our mental health and acts as a cathartic medium for us to disclose our emotions and simply LET GO what is BOTTLED UP! Not only do you relive through the goals that you make and the events as they happen but you relive them with the same emotions - be it happiness, anger, stress, fear or just about anything!You are able to see yourself progress. This give you clarity to your thinking and the activities that you carry out. 

11) Play with you Pet (if you have one!): I find this one very therapeutic - having 4 cats myself who can provide unconditional love to me is something that can totally change my mood. They are just always there to hug me, smile and laugh - no matter what I feel. Sometimes they just act out in strange, bizarre manners. They are great domestic companions and reduce any feelings of loneliness. Moreover, when I am with them I feel a sense of purpose to take care of them.