Understanding Children’s Behaviour: What Kids Are Trying to Tell Us

 

When a child throws a tantrum, becomes unusually quiet, or clings excessively to a caregiver, the behaviour is often labelled as “bad” or “problematic.” However, children do not always have the words or emotional skills to communicate exactly how they feel. Instead of using language, they express their emotions through behaviour. By observing these behaviours closely, we can begin to understand whether something is right or wrong.

Throwing tantrums, displaying anger, becoming silent or withdrawn, or even showing clinginess are often signs that a child is struggling internally. What appears to be misbehaviour is usually a child’s way of expressing that one or more of their needs are not being met. For instance, a child who throws frequent tantrums may be feeling overwhelmed, tired, or frustrated. A quiet or withdrawn child may be experiencing anxiety or sadness, while aggressive behaviour can indicate difficulty coping with strong emotions.

Childhood begins at birth and continues until puberty, when adolescence begins. During this time, certain behaviours commonly stand out, including:

1. Tantrums

When children feel overwhelmed, hungry, tired, or unable to express what they want, they may resort to tantrums. These emotional outbursts can include screaming, crying, stubbornness, and disruptive physical behaviour. While tantrums are a normal part of early childhood development, excessive or intense tantrums may signal underlying emotional or environmental difficulties that require attention.

2. Aggression

Aggressive behaviour such as hitting, yelling, or biting often signals frustration, jealousy, or a lack of emotional regulation. These behaviours may stem from unmet needs or deeper issues such as ADHD, autism, trauma, or mood disorders. Aggression can take many forms:

• Physical aggression: hitting, kicking, biting, pushing, throwing objects
• Verbal aggression: yelling, name-calling, threatening, screaming
• Relational aggression: social exclusion or spreading rumours
• Impulsive aggression: lashing out in the moment
• Proactive aggression: deliberate or retaliatory actions

3. Anxious or Withdrawn Behaviour

Withdrawn behaviour may include avoiding social interaction, preferring solitude, limited eye contact, or speaking very little. These signs can point to shyness, anxiety, bullying, depression, or social anxiety. A child who isolates themselves or seems emotionally distant may be communicating distress and should not be overlooked.

4. Clinginess

Clingy behaviour involves strong emotional reactions to separation from a parent or caregiver. While secure attachment is healthy and necessary, excessive clinginess can interfere with age-appropriate independence and social development. Overattachment may cause distress for both the child and caregiver if not addressed gently and appropriately.

Children’s behaviour changes as they grow. Toddlers often experience frequent tantrums as they are still developing their emotional regulation skills. School-age children may exhibit behavioural issues due to academic pressure, social challenges, or stress. Teenagers commonly experience mood swings as they navigate physical, emotional, and psychological changes.

At every stage of development, children are communicating something through their behaviour. As adults, it is essential to:

• Observe patterns rather than reacting to isolated incidents
• Validate a child’s emotions instead of dismissing them
• Maintain consistent routines around sleep, meals, and structure
• Model calm emotional responses
• Seek professional support when behaviours are intense, persistent, or concerning

Understanding behaviour rather than punishing it fosters emotional safety and trust.

Children, regardless of age, are constantly trying to communicate with the adults around them. Behaviour is their language when words fail. As caregivers, parents, and educators, it is our responsibility to listen beyond what we see on the surface. When we shift our focus from correcting behaviour to understanding it, we support children’s emotional growth and help them develop healthier ways to express themselves.